Do you struggle with Amazon Prime addiction? Do you find yourself going to Amazon.com without intent? Does your favorites bar on your browser contain multiple links to Amazon Prime products? Do you get petty when one of your Prime packages comes a day late and you convince yourself that you are living through third world country conditions? If so, you might be addicted to Amazon Prime.
1. When you are upset, worried, excited, tired, scared, bored or nervous, you log onto Amazon and order yourself something nice.
I know this one well. Either you wake up mad at your dad and decide that you deserve those cat-covered toe socks because of it, or you are crying in the bathtub and order multiple colors of pillowcases that you don’t need because you obviously do not save your tears for your pillow. You know this is a problem, but you don’t tell anyone though, because that would involve talking about your feelings, and us Prime-addicts don’t talk about our feelings, we trade them in for a moment of bliss everytime we press the “confirm order” button.
2. You keep all your electronic devices on low volume so that you can hear the mail when it comes.
It has been 2 days since you ordered those watermelon themed summer sandals and it is about 1.45pm. You keep checking the front porch to make sure there are no boxes there, then you go check the mail box just incase the mailman managed to stuff the box into it. Sometimes though, the mailbox is empty and your order status still says “out for delivery” so you just mute the TV and stalk the sounds coming from your front yard until you hear that sweet sound of postal service.
3. After you open a package and the product is something you really like, so you go write a raving review about it. 5 Stars Baby.
Heck yeah. I know all about this one. (I am a top reviewer on Amazon). When you get something from Amazon that is an amazing product, you make sure everyone in the Amazon cyberworld knows. For example, you got a really nice charging cable for your phone and it was the most sturdy, high-quality cable you had ever seen/used. Immediately after aweing over it, straight out of the package, you log your little butt onto Amazon, click the 5 Star rating and write about how it “totally changed my life” and “charged my phone like a gem” as if anyone really cares.
4. You find yourself browsing Amazon for new running shoes, but you end up having 40 new tabs open because you clicked on the recommended items and felt tempted to check them out.
This is the worst! Happens to me daily. First, you will be looking for dog collars, then the recommended items catch your eye so you click on it, and then the same thing happens on that new tab, and before you know it, you have a tab open for dog collars, as well as phone cases, hand-held vaccuums, light-up shoes laces and pickle-flavored chocolate. If you need an intervention like me, you totally get what I am talking about.
5. Prime Boxes…..Everywhere.
Your friends walk in and can’t find a place to sit because your sofa is piled high with Amazon Prime boxes – all from this week.
6. You take your ‘Wishlist’ seriously.
Everything you want on Amazon, but do have the willpower not to buy, is loaded onto this list and everyone who has Amazon gets the link so that they have no excuses to buy you a bad gift. You simple send them the link and say “Oh, you don’t gotta get me anything, but if you decide to, here is some stuff I like” very casually. (But, we all know you spent HOURS on making that list because you knew someone would be checking it out during the holidays).
7. If it ain’t prime, you ain’t ordering it.
You really want that item but it isn’t prime. Your heart sinks and you feel a bit of despair and settle with another product that isn’t as good or as of high quality just to get that 2-day shipping. The struggle is real y’all.
8. All you want for Christmas is an Amazon Gift Card.
If for some reason you can’t give them your Wishlist, or they don’t have Amazon, simply ask for an Amazon gift card. Everything you want is there anyways and with prime, you pretty much get it instantly without having to drive anywhere, stand in line or get disappointed by something being surprisingly out of stock. The gift that never gets old and always makes you feel like this:
9. You use it for Gift Shopping – because you got time for that.
Heck yes. It is 3 days until your Grandma’s birthday and ain’t nobody got time for browsing the mall for that overly-sweet sentiment. You got Prime, so it is still not to late to click it and ship it.
10. You have dreams about getting Amazon Prime packages.
Multiple times a week you have dreams about giving birth to a big 8lb, 1oz Amazon Prime box. Perhaps instead, you count Amazon Boxes instead of sheep, and then drift into a blissful dream that you are fishin’ with your grandpa and you reel in a big’ole Amazon Prime box filled with already cooked catfish. Yum.
Do you have any of the 10 symptoms listed above? If so, don’t panic, because so do I friends, So. Do. I. – Ooh, was that a doorbell I just heard?!