Phew! 7 Insider Secrets to Avoid Dating a Tool

Dating sucks. Plain and simple. It is fun at first when you are newly single, but after a while you want a big, fat love bug to bite you. In other words, you decide to seek a real relationship. From experience, I know what to look for when it comes to spotting out a tool when I see one. I sound bitter, yes, but after many times of making the same mistakes when it comes to picking out men, you learn. Oh, boy do you learn. Most people won’t take this advice and will learn their lesson the hard way but hey, it is worth a shot, right?

We all think we know best, and whoever disagrees is jealous, being silly or over-protective. Then, when guys reveal their flaws or you have suspicions, but you will ignore them because you want to give the guy the benefit of the doubt. But, then something tragic will happen and you will be left to swim in a bathtub of your own tears as you think about how you should had listened to the advice in this post. Then the heartbreak will heal, you will start dating again, and make the same mistake again but you will expect different results each time. That is the definition of insanity my friends.

Whoa, Whoa, don’t freak out about all of that though. Everything will be okay because I will share my secret checklist that won’t fail as long as you just remember to avoid these 7 bad signs. If he commits one or more of them, you better grab your purse, pay the tab, and strut out the door.

1. He’s Broke

Broke Guy GIF

If he’s broke, doesn’t have a car, doesn’t have a phone, or lives with his parents long after high school, steer clear. You make a U-turn and put your foot on the gas immediately. In all honesty, this guy won’t just want to get in your pants, but he will be way more interested in getting into your wallet. By the time you know it, he will be asking you for rides, eating your food, and you will be buying his underwear.

2. He Agrees with Everything you Say

Agreeable Guy GIF

If it seems too good to be true, it is. For example, if you are on a first date, sharing things about each other and he claims that he likes everything you like, listen to, eat, and do, then it probably is too good to be true. For instance, let’s say you are a Christian, Republican, Pop-music obsessed, Harry Potter-addicted, coffee-drinker who hates a mess. If he wants you bad enough he will claim he is those things too. You will later find out he is a Catholic, Democrat, Heavy-metal listening, Beavis and Butt-head addicted, beer-drinker who loves to leave spilled sugar on the floor. Then you will be like “Oh, Poohy, look at all the time I wasted”.

3. Google Gives you Bad News

Criminal GIF Driving Car

This may seem a little creepy and psychotic but it is a smart thing to do every time you start dating someone new. GOOGLE THEM. No, I am not saying go and try to check their social media accounts or see which girls are liking his photos. When you google someones name, along with the city they live in, usually any criminal activity will come up in the results. You definitely would be dodging a huge bullet if you found out NOW rather than later. Because finding out later really blows. Trust me.

4. Poor Eye Contact/Listening

Jim Carrey GIF

He’s just not that into you or his intentions are deplorable. He will never ever remember that your favorite color or your birthday because, well, he ain’t listening to anything you have to say.

5. Boasting, Boasting, Boasting

Will Smith Men In Black GIF

Is he always talking about himself and only himself? Does he brag about how he used to be a Chippendale, has a fake college degree that doesn’t exist and admits to you that he can get any girl he wants? Does he lick his lips as he stares at himself in the mirror? If you answered yes to any of these questions, you better beware and do not screw that tool.

6. Bad Manners

bad manners GIF

Unless you want a guy who doesn’t say excuse me when he belches, farts in your purse, chews with his mouth open and doesn’t say thank you, don’t waste your time. Eventually you will be fed up with him not cleaning up after himself, picking his nose at the movies and not offering you have the last dinner roll at Texas Roadhouse.

7. Why Ya Gotta be so Mean?

Taylor Swift GIF mean

If you run into Aunt Helga at the Supermarket and he whispers to you “Dang, she likes her cheeseburgers”, scolds you when you make eye-contact with another human being who happens to be a male, or calls you a POS and makes you sleep on the cold, hard floor after a fight, let him go! Fly, bird, fly far away! The end result of a long-term relationship with this guy is bound to end up ending in verbal or even physical abuse.

You have been warned. 🙂 You really don’t want to have to keep telling yourself “Oops, I did it Again“, do you?

What tips did I miss? Leave your thoughts in the comments!

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Hello! My name is Crystal Kelley. I have a love for writing to express my thoughts on a variety of topics. I am always inspired by new things, therefore, what I will write about next is pleasantly unpredictable. I enjoy singing, drawing, playing piano, photography and my dog. Oh, and glitter really does run through my veins.

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