I wanted to post on a topic that can relate to anyone. Now, If you have never been embarrassed, then you either, A, have a dark IDGAF soul or B, live under a rock. I am assuming if you are reading this you don’t fall under any of those categories. (Actually, to all the IDGAF-ers, teach me, teach me!). Anyways, the point is, I have been through way too many embarrassing moments, and eventually you realize that you have to use those experiences as a teaching moment. You have to ask yourself why, what, where, when and why this happened. You are probably thinking “Well, Crystal, what I just went through is horrifying/humiliating and there is no way to look at it in a positive light!” but have no fear about your redemption because I am the queen of dorks and bet that I can make you feel at least a teeny little bit better, by sharing my own embarrassing moments and what I learned from those moments.
So here are some examples of just some of the embarrassing moments that I have been through and have survived LIKE A BOSS.
1. Flop of the Flip Flop
Alright, so I am a tall gal, standing at a whopping 5’10”. This also means I don’t wear a size 7 in shoes and am quite awkward and clumsy. This embarrassing moment was in high school, but I remember it oh so clearly. So, as a teenager I rarely wore flip flops to school in fear of tripping over them, having one fall off or breaking, or looking goofy as hell. Well, genius me decided to wear them to school one day. There was a boy I had a huge crush on at the time and wanted him to see my rhinestone-covered flip-flops and nicely painted toes. Now, might I add, I have never spoke to this guy before in my life and we only knew each other through brief gazes in the hallways. Well, that day the bell rang and I was making my way to 4th period and I see him. I start to hold my breath and suck my tummy in to look thinner and my eyes look toward him and he looks at me.
Our eyes are now locked at each other and being the clown that I am, trip and fall over that damn flip-flop. That moment there, I was already contemplating ways to convince my mom to not make me come to school the next day. I was humiliated beyond belief. For the rest of the day I am pretty sure I walked like a chubby penguin as I tried to prevent another epic failure in the form of a fall. I never thought that I was going to get over it. But, eventually I did and this is the lesson I learned: NEVER WEAR FLIP FLOPS AGAIN. Okay, yeah I still trip quite often but tripping on a flip-flop is a different kind of pitiful because it is likely to fall off, break one of your toes or break completely leaving you with 1 bare foot. At least now, when I trip, I always know I can recover quickly because the shoe will stay on. Oh and about the guy, he was a total tool and I am sort of thankful that I made a fool out of myself because I dodged that bullet, girl.
2. Locker Room TP
This honestly happened yesterday. The gym I go to is more like a training center and so when I got there, the only person there was the guy who runs the place and myself. So, when I got there I went to go potty and needed to go BAD because I was cranked on Redbull, coffee and H20. Well, after I potty, I realize that there is no toilet paper in the dispenser. So, I am sitting there, thinking to myself “What do I do?” and that was a question I couldn’t answer. So, as I am panicking, I start thinking, “Oh wow, I better figure something out quickly or my trainer is going to think I am in here dropping kids off at the pool.
So, I open the bathroom door and yell the following super loud: “ARE YOU STILL THERE!?” (When I went into the bathroom initially he was a couple of feet away), then I hear a long, dreadful, pause. Then he says “…uh, you need toilet paper?” and I replied “YES!!” and start giggling. Those giggles echo throughout the entire room and I started to feel like Moaning Myrtle. Luckily a girl walked in just as he was grabbing the toilet paper so she ended up being the one who brought it to me, but I still had to go out there and workout as if I didn’t just scream for toilet paper. What did I learn? ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS check if toilet paper is in a stall before squatting on the potty.
3. Trip to Subway
Ah, I was only 16, it was a great day to be alive because I had a job interview at one of my favorite food joints: Subway. It was freezing outside and my parents were waiting in the car, blasting the heater. I on the other hand, was slaying the interview but the manager asked me something that I wasn’t sure about and so I needed to go outside to the car to ask my mom. So, I walk outside in my fur-lined coat feeling cool as a cucumber because I felt like a professional adult. And as I am thinking to myself how hardcore my adult-ing game was going, I fall on my flat ass. It was a hard fall and just happened to be right in front of the window where the manager was sitting and I remember seeing her eyes widen and mouth open as I am awkwardly trying to get back up and pretend I am okay.
I had only one choice at that point: get up, dust myself off, go ask my mom the question, and walk back inside trying to act like my rear wasn’t cold, numb and on fire all at once. Lesson learned? Don’t try to walk confidently and cute while black ice has the potential of being present. This lesson has changed my life because now, If I am walking in winter weather, I make sure that I walk with a little less confidence so if I do fall, it seems more humble.
4. Tootin’ Piano
So, in Jr. High School, one of my classes was Piano, and the classroom was set up like a regular class room, except the desks were real keyboard pianos. There were about a dozen of us and we sat quite close to each other on those little black piano stools. So I am sitting there practicing “On Top of Old Smoky” and my friend Sasha is listening in, giving me pointers. So, in between a brief pause in the song, I hear a sudden popping noise and quickly realize it was indeed the sound of me tootin’ my own horn, if you know what I mean. So, I know Sasha heard it because she screams so that the entire room can hear: “OMG, Crystal you farted!!!) I am now in PANIC mode so I start denying it by blaming it on the piano stool, desperately trying to get the damn chair to make a similar sound to the one that I accidentally let escape. The worst part is that no one believed my story about the chair making this mysterious noise so I turned beet red and was quite certain I was going to die of cardiac arrest that would be the direct result of pure humiliation at its worst. So, what could I have possibly learned about this ordeal? I learned that leather seats amplify the slightest of sounds and you should never play an instrument if there’s a chance your body wants to sing along.
5. Mom Jeans
This story is exactly what you thinking. Yes, Yes, in 5th grade my mom made me wear MOM JEANS to school. I am pretty sure I am still scarred from that day. So, I forget why I wore them exactly, but the only thing I remember about that day, is my mom dropping me off in mom jeans, I am walking to class and quickly sit down so the desk is covering my legs. Of course, My pencil breaks and I have to get up and go sharpen it. I am desperate to have to avoid getting up in fear that someone will say something and laugh. I had no choice though and had to get up, and as I am walking up to the pencil sharpener, without thinking, I walk out of the classroom and sit outside the door, and of course the teacher follows me out.
She asks me whats wrong and I respond with “My mom made me wear these jeans!!!” while a tear is dramatically dripping down my cheek. So, this genius of a teacher has the nerve to say to me “What’s wrong with your jeans!!! They look just like mine!!, see!” as she points to her bootcut high-waisted denim disaster. That makes me cry even more and so one of the girls from class comes out of the classroom and asks whats wrong. Her name was Erica, and she always had cute clothes on so I was embarrassed but told her anyways about my dilemma. So, this genius of a student has the nerve to tell me this: “Oh, well, if it makes you feel better, my mom makes those kind of jeans” as she is wearing her adorable flared jeans. Any memories past that are a blur from all the humiliation, but I am quite sure I ripped those things off and threw them across the room when I got home. What did I learn? Never ever make my kids wear something to school that isn’t in style or makes them relate to a 40-year-old woman.
6. Wet Floor
Flash back to the first day of Kindergarten, Yup, I still remember. Maybe it wasn’t the first day exactly, but I am positive it was in Kindergarten. (Shout out to Miss Lester and our class pet rabbit, Chrysanthemum…actually I am old enough that the rabbit is probably no longer with us) Anyways, at the front of the classroom we had a huge round rug and in the center of it was a picture of the earth, and surrounding it were children holding hands. So, little me was thinking to my self “me gotta go potty, perhaps instead of asking the teacher if I can go, I can just do the wiggly potty dance instead”. So, I am sitting there wiggling like a piggy and it is obvious I have to go to the bathroom.
So, as I am doing my potty dance with my legs crossed and all, the teacher says “Crystal, go to the bathroom!” and I am sitting there relieved that she is going to let me go, and then I stop for a second and think “Uh-oh, I don’t think I can get up without going potty on myself” and at the time, I was too embarrassed to tell her that so I slowly tried to maneuver my way into a standing position but that was a bad decision. Why? Oh, because I wet myself. And everybody saw. The kindergarten bully named Raymond made fun of me for weeks. Still quite traumatized but I did learn something: Go to the bathroom when you first get the urge. Don’t try to be a big shot and hold it in because you will fail.
7. Invisible Bed
Okay, so this one is embarrassing, but did not happen in public. I still felt like a complete idiot so I will share. I came home from school and my mom and I were bickering with one another and me, being the drama queen that I am, starts crying and starts running down the hallway so that I can get on my bed and cry some more like a little brat. Well, picture it, I am darting to my room, enter my door, prance up into the air expecting to fall on my bed but instead end up stumbling on the floor. The furniture had been moved and I wasn’t used to it. There was no bed there. So there I am, sitting on the floor crying, looking over at my bed, feeling like an absolute idiot. A big fat dorky fool. Lesson learned: Don’t make risky decisions when you are emotional.
8. Breakin’ Dishes
This one is going to be short. It was Thanksgiving, I filled up my plate. Looks absolutely delicious and yummy. There is butter sliding off my dinner roll and I am about to sit down and be thankful for it. Instead, on my way to the table, I drop my damn plate. Food everywhere and about a dozen people look back and stare at me as I feel like a complete waste of space. Lesson: Don’t ever have too much on your plate.
9. Dancing Queen?
So, I am in 4th or 5th grade at this time and it is my favorite time of the school year because it is time for the school talent show! I decided to not only do a dance number to “Tearin’ Up My Heart” by N’sync and the “Hot Potato” dance, but I did a solo performance by singing “Baby, Come on Over” by Samantha Mumba. I am stoked and am wearing my 6 inch spice-girl looking shoes and my Aunt’s sparkly cardigan. The song contains a dance break and my teacher at the time recommended that I dance in that time, rather than standing there staring into space on stage. I took her advice and free-styled a dance during the dance break in the song and tripped on my right foot. GENIUS me decides to purposely trip on the left foot as well, in efforts to make the mishap look like a dance move. I later realized that this was just an epic fail and it never became a new trendsetting fad. I learned from this that making the same mistake twice doesn’t cover up the crazy.
10. Who Let the Dogs Out?
I reckon this was when I was about 11-12 years old and I was on my way to my friend’s birthday party at the local skating rink. I was kilin’ it with my strides and they were playing awesome music. Yes, that includes the hit by the Baha Men titled “Who let the Dogs Out?” So this song has me pumped up and I start to skate faster and am just waiting for the stares from other people with impressed looks on their faces. Instead, I fall flat on my face, slide up against the wall and feel pain from my head to my toes. When the stars in my eyes settle down I hear the intercom calling on my dad, explaining that I was “knocked out”. All eyes on me just like I wanted, but not for the reason I intended. The lesson here was that I am not a slick chick and if I try to pretend to be, I will fail. Ugh, this is reminding me of that time I walked into a sign outside of Wal-Mart. Right in the face.
It was a November day in 2010, and I was in Air Force basic training. As you may know, you only get a couple of minutes to eat your food, sometimes even just 30 seconds, so you have to be quick. Well, I was super hungry this day and so I start man-handling this slab of cornbread on my plate and have at it, taking a big ole’ bite out of it. I realize that the cornbread taste disgusting because it is completely dry and attempt to inhale. That results in me choking profusely, sounding like a gorilla in labor. The whole cafeteria is staring at me and I finally get it down and I felt like a complete fatty. I felt like the kid in “Matilda” who tries to finish that big ass piece of cake on a stage in front of everyone. This one teaches you a more complicated kind of lesson, and that is that eating too fast can be deadly. I didn’t really have a choice in my specific situation at the time, but anytime I eat something now, I make sure to take my time and smell the roses.
Actual footage of me at basic training:
Honorable mentions that are common, but embarrassing anyways and DO NOT teach you any lessons. These are just plain embarrassing, and have no meaning in the consequence.
- I do it frequently and every single time it never fails to embarrass me. You know when you’re at a restaurant and the waiter says “Okay, enjoy your food” and you respond enthusiastically with “You too!” Shoot me now.
- When you wave to someone because they were waving at you…..except they weren’t waving at you.
- When you wave to someone and they don’t see you.
So, with that being said, I have many more embarrassing moments but those were the ones that stand out the most for me. Because of these embarrassing moments, I am now a better person. I don’t try to test the limits of my bladder, I eat slower, don’t put too many things on my plate, can recognize the value in my future child’s choice of jeans, don’t play piano after a meal, choose better fall-proof footwear, ensure toilet paper is always in stock, never rearrange my furniture without buying knee pads first, never ever dance again and never ever walk on thin ice.
Hopefully you can try to learn from your embarrassing moments too! Share yours in the comments below!!